Are you a malignant biscuit-dispensing feather?

This will accurately determine whether you are a malignant biscuit-dispensing feather or whether you are simply a pile of nonsense.

1 Have you ever fondled a dog or a velvet garment?
2 Where can you be found after the bulk of your day's tasks are completed?
3 If you were to dispense an item would it be a messy affair?
4 How many times will you say 'canopy' in the next three hours?
5 Empty question, carrot-mash?
6 In which TV show did T. J. Biscuits truly oppress his children?
7 Could it be true?