How much would you get raped by Luke Todd?

Luke Todd - You know him? Even if you don't, its always helpful to know how much he would rape you if you ever happened to meet him, at night, alone, in a dark alleyway.

1 You are approached by Luke Todd himself. What are your first words?
2 Luke Todd explains that somebody took his job. What is your response?
3 Who is cooler, Sam Harris or Luke Todd?
4 Who is sexier, Sam Harris or Luke Todd?
5 Who fails more, Sam Harris or Luke Todd?
6 Luke Todd surprises you with "Surprise Sex" - what is your response?
7 Pick one.