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Matthew Sparks

You have the worst captaincy record in history and an ability to break cricket bats as easily as you demote Chris Hobbs down the batting order. Your resemblance to Peter Siddle is in your style of appeal not in bowling ability. Your are always willing to take a step up the order when playing on Cliff Reserve against shithouse old John's but suprisingly often end up batting six at the first sign of your team in trouble or the ball with some degree of shine on it. It should be noted your ability to bowl off spin has a linear relationship to your team chasing 400+.

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