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An ambitious individual you are especially keen, for all shapes and sizes, and seem to think that females are willing to have sex anywhere at any time. This misguided belief has caused a great deal of grief recently as you often ask chicks in the street, “wanna fuck?” Compounding this problem is the fact that most girls can beat you up. Unfortunately you have a hormonal disorder whereby your body produces far greater amounts of estrogen than testosterone. As a result you may well be the biggest bitch God ever put breath into, with your nutsack residing in your stomach and it is hard to believe you are almost 18. You suffer from severe dehydration because your waterworks don’t seem to subside once they begin. The breakup of your longstanding relationship with Gabby left you a shattered man, a blubbering mess who longs for a girl who will call you her “knight in shining armour”. Pint-sized, you have an acute case of ‘short man syndrome’, potentially explained by a premature birth, and compensate for your ‘short’comings with unexplained outbursts of anger and a habit of constantly showing your penis to anyone close enough to see it. This particular habit has landed you in trouble after you virtually force fed Salios your member. According to you, your parents are CIA operatives and have surveillance everywhere, watching you at all hours of the day. As a result you have been trying to stay on the straight and narrow recently so that you can come on leavers. You will also probably tell your parents about this and they will hunt down the perpetrator….or your parents will ring their parents and tell them of the atrocities their child has committed.

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